Monday, June 30, 2008


So I came to this job with the idea that they were looking to hire if things worked out. I'm starting to think they just like having clerks. I really want to work at a firm like this one. If it isn't this one, my options start looking slim. Great reveal the first week on the job. Maybe I'm reading it wrong.

Is it ambitious or obnoxious if I get all my references to call in while I'm there?

Saturday, June 28, 2008

Wednesday, June 25, 2008

Back to Reality

So I'm working second half at a small but good law firm in the town I now call home. After six weeks of people clamoring to take associates out to lunch and doing 28 projects in six weeks, this office is surprisingly quiet. I think they have a lot of trials going on. I really like the slower pace. It lets me get back on the diet.

With any luck, this job will work out.

I am starting to question their retirement plan. The first name partner died last year in his 80's. He was preparing for trial. The second name partner who is in his late 70's was reading in the law library when I left at 5:30. The third name partner is in his late 60's and spends more time in court than any lawyer I've ever been around who wasn't a prosecutor. Either they have no IRA's or they just love working there. I hope its the latter.

Tuesday, June 24, 2008

Overheard in The Office 6/24

Our librarian at the firm is pretty good for quotes while she is on the phone. Today we overheard a good one:

"What!!! What did you say about going to second base?"

Thursday, June 19, 2008

A Fucking Rankings Post

The law school gods want my soul, and they're pretty close to getting it. Class rankings were just released, and I again raised my GPA by a substantial amount that allowed me to move up several spots in the class. Unfortunately, our class yet again lost JUST ENOUGH people from the bottom of the class to keep me from crossing over that ever-elusive top-X% cutoff I've been chasing since my first law school grades were released. This cutoff will string me along until final grades are released next spring, leaving me precisely one spot outside the cutoff.

I fucking give up. Fuck grades, fuck rankings, fuck the gamesmanship of letter grade avoidance, fuck job searching, fuck employment, fuck "T14" (whatever that really means) elitists, fuck law school, fuck the legal profession in general. What the fuck does it fucking take to move up in this system? How valid can an evaluation system really be when the evaluation criteria are complete bullshit and on top of that, there is no possible upward mobility?

Perhaps the answer to this problem is to game the system like most of the people ranked above me do. Fuck all these substantive classes, I'm going to look up the classes with the highest possible grade distributions and exclusively take those! After I get the ranking I want, I'll take non-graded classes and judicial externships so I can keep my GPA artificially inflated, thereby making it impossible for anyone to overtake me! I see the light at the end of the's the brilliant flash from the energy released when the law school gods finally sever my soul from my body and make me one of their minions.

Wednesday, June 18, 2008

Last Days of BigLaw

Sorry I've been so silent so long but the last six weeks have been a blur of lunches, drinks, smoozing, and work. Let's not forget the work. I've been part of 22 interns trying to squeeze into 8-14 spots. They offered 25 expecting 10-15 acceptances and were very surprised to find 22 people like me with no particular place to go.

Much like our law school, the collection of students have been awfully nice considering how the success of our friends leads to our ultimate failure. I suppose all you can do is do work, hope you're significantly better than the home grown products, and wait. No reason to be nasty about it.

Best things I've seen here.

An open bar . . . at a clerks do's and don'ts meeting for all BigLaw in the city.

An honest to goodness flood that came up above the bottom of my car doors in the street. I think I floated over a median trying to get to the trolley tracks which I drove down to get home.

The Statue who doesn't get it. Just some dude who paints himself silver and hangs out playing a guitar in the square.

A bar tender make a Gin Fizz. Starts with gin, powdered sugar, and egg whites and gets weirder from there. Tasty though.

I'm sure there's more but I forget and its late. On Monday I go back to B'ham SmallLaw. I'm excited about this job but I will miss the daily lunches and two to three times weekly open bars. Everybody should have this gig once. Only once though. Twice'll kill you.

Sexism in the Workplace: A Lesson from Google Chat

Ladies, take note. Do NOT get involved with, date, sleep with, kiss, touch, associate with, or especially marry our new blogger. He will claim you as .7 of a person for tax purposes, and you don't need all those headaches from the IRS.

Disclaimer: The views expressed over various IM services by any individual blogger do not reflect the views of this blog and are posted solely as a public service so our readers can avoid being sexually harassed by mootgoescow. If you take this seriously for any reason, you officially have no sense of humor and should immediately commit suicide by ingesting several boxes of rat poison.

Guy Fawkes
I would be perfect happy if the two of you ended up happily married with 14.7 children
mootgoescow: gross
Guy Fawkes: what, the .7 children?
i know, dividing kids up is can be an extremely bloody process
mootgoescow: no, that's easily explained by us having one girl
the 14 part is gross
Guy Fawkes: wait, girls are only .7 of a child?
mootgoescow: yea
Guy Fawkes: so a woman is only .7 of a person?...or does the ratio change somewhere along the way
mootgoescow: no they're only .7 of a person
when have girls ever really been our equals? please
Guy Fawkes: nice
brb, i need to visit the blog real quick so i can alienate all our female readers
mootgoescow: haha
oh that's going to be bad

Thursday, June 12, 2008

Forget Martindale

Here is how I'm finding firms to send my resumes to:

Another Fun Search String

Someone from Google hit our blog using the search string "perversion in the school." That's almost as good as "deaf kid from Barney," a search string for which we were once in the top five on Google. Perhaps this post will put us back at the top. Get on it, faithful readers!

Wednesday, June 11, 2008

Advice is the same, no matter who you ask.

A friend of mine, currently in Egypt on a Fulbright, is considering whether or not to attend law school (he's already deposited at a school in Massachusetts). His cousin gave him this advice about law school, which saved me 10 minutes from typing the same response to him. I think it's pretty spot on and rather amusing.

So I've asked a few people, done a lot of thinking, and there's not one magic bullet that I can tell you about how to succeed in law school--or what to do the summer before so that you will succeed in law school. Law school doesn't suck like other things suck. It's an indescribable experience. If I could go back and give myself one piece of advice before law school, it would be "don't go to law school." But I know I wouldn't have listened, and maybe even now I'm just falling into the practice of profession-loathing, just like so many other lawyers.

The conventional wisdom is that you cannot prepare for law school. So take your summer easy and fill your head with fun things like cotton candy. Screw the conventional wisdom. I think there are a few things that can prepare you for law school. But nothing, other than three years of law school, can truly prepare you for three years of law school.

I would recommend a book called "Law School Confidential." I read it before law school and it helped to give me a sense of what law school is. Take note of the rainbow method of case briefing. Also note that the students profiled in the book are hand-picked douches. If I recall, they didn't profile the student who went to law school for a stupid reason, got mired in debt, and couldn't find a decent job upon graduation. That will be a majority of your classmates. So even if you're not in that situation, these are the people you will be around.

For example, right now my roommate Greg doesn't have a job, despite sending out literally hundreds of resumes and doing numerous interviews. He was on the executive board of one of the journals at Emory and he was in the top third of the class. He worked for a judge this past summer, and he is an excellent writer (from what I've read of his). Yet, he cannot find a job.

I also sent out hundreds of resumes, did numerous interviews, and only came out with two job offers. Sure, I wrote my way on to the [School] Law Journal (a coveted position), and I did end up as the Executive Managing Editor (the second-most prestigious position on the journal). But my GPA was in the shitter--meaning right near the middle of the class, but always below the top half--which basically reamed me. GPA is everything on the legal resume. (As a side note, here are the things that mean nothing on a legal resume: everything other than GPA and school attended. I'm serious. Unless you're going into public interest. Then the only thing that matters is how much your heart bleeds.)

One book I would NOT recommend is "Planet Law School" or any of its sequels. It's junk and looks like it's self-published. I read a good majority of it before I just put it down. It's mainly just a scathing indictment of law schools and professors. After your 1L year, you won't need a book to tell you how horrible law school is.

The next thing you can do is read something like "Scalia Dissents," which doesn't really introduce you to anything that you will encounter during your first year of law school. But it is entertaining.

You could also buy this book by Erwin Chemerinsky's hornbook on Constitutional Law. Open the book and choose a topic that sounds interesting to you. Try "Procedural Due Process" if you really want to mess with your mind. Most people would say, "Oh, no, don't do that because you'll learn it wrong." Con Law is a load of crap, but it's a lot more accessible than, say, civil procedure. (Civil procedure makes the perplexing phrase "International Shoe and its progeny" mean something.) And you might as well learn Con Law from the most respected name in Constitutional Law than from your professor. Everyone reads Chemerinsky's hornbook while they take Con Law.

So that's about it for pre-law school preparation. The wife should also prepare for the next three years of law school. They will be hard on her like they're hard on you. I've seen law school destroy too many good relationships.

Also, send me a message when you start law school, and I can tell you more things to help you. But if I start telling you now, it will sound like I'm trying to tell you how to land a 747 and it won't make sense.

Tuesday, June 10, 2008


6 weeks after taking a scantron/essay exam I still don't have my grades. I do, however, have grades for my seminar and a full essay exam. Makes no sense to me. I compulsively check the grade site every hour or so while I'm at work. I wonder how much productivity firms lose because of their interns checking grades. I'm guessing at least 10%. Anyone have estimates?

Breaking News: New Blogger Makes Guy Fawkes Revert to 9th Grade Sense of Humor

mootgoescow: if only i had a hot female associate under my desk
mootgoescow: it would help pass 3 minutes so much faster

Saturday, June 7, 2008

Democratic Primary Ends

As many of you know, Hillary Clinton suspended her campaign today. I watched her concession speech. Her main talking points were unity, and progress. I felt like she did a commendable job weaving the two points together in making her main argument - Elect Obama. Clinton asserted that the Democratic Party is the progressive party, the party that is fiscally responsible, and the party that cares about peace; therefore, the Party needs to come together, because the Party is stronger as a whole - a Party divided cannot stand. The message was fairly clean and simple and, for the most part, delivered well. I only have one real gripe with her speech, and I admit that it's just a feeling I got from watching the speech - I could be quite alone here. All the civil rights and progress that Hillary discussed was in regard to African Americans and women. Now I understand Obama is African American and Clinton is a woman, so it's easy and convenient to draw those lines, but there are other minorities and other equality/discrimination issues today. She could have at least mentioned how this landmark primary opens the door for all groups. This complaint really reflects on Americans in general. Asians, Latinos, Gays, Lesbians, Muslims, etc. are all groups that face some measure of discrimination on a daily basis. The degree of discrimination, of course, varies group to group, but these groups have also largely been marginalized. If progress and civil rights is going to be the Party's badge of honor, then perhaps they should move immigration, gay marriages and other such issues back into the limelight. They won't because that won't get them elected, but at least acknowledge that these issues certainly exist. Clinton honored the suffragists and the civil rights leaders of bygone days in her speech; she mentioned their courage, their perseverance, and their fearlessness - they never shied away from issues because they were inflammatory. The homage was nice, but lip service is cheap; if the Party really wants to stand for progress and to honor those progressive titans, then mere words are not enough.

On a related, but different note...While I'm certain many Hillary supporters will now rally around Obama, the presumptive Democratic nominee, there were a few spattering of boos and the collective cheers and applause in general seemed quite subdued whenever Clinton mentioned backing Obama. I'm not sure this country really needs yet another divisive election, but that's probably exactly what we're going to get.

Also, because I don't want Guys to throw another temper tantrum I've added a link to his "Duty to Rescue" post. It's worth reading and worth thinking about; the issue could probably go either way.

Friday, June 6, 2008

The Reason We Have a New Blogger

Guy Fawkes: we used to joke about getting Law Review polos made and then standing outside the undergrad bar with a giant net

mootgoescow: dude you should

Guy Fawkes: to catch drunk girls

mootgoescow: i dont see why it hasnt happened already...maybe some sort of tort

What now?

First of all - Hello! and a thanks to Guy Fawkes for inviting me to contribute to this blog. I'm a rising 3L at an undisclosed law school. I'm not on the Law Review for my school, so you should expect more, and be tolerant of, the many grammatical and spelling errors that will likely occur. In fact, you might spot some in this opening paragraph...I have no idea. You can also expect bitter sarcasm and disdain for the defunct system they call law schools and the hiring process. It's going to be an interesting journey (and it might be a very short one if the other contributor's don't like me), but I look forward to taking it with you, our avid, but, as Guy Fawkes has now informed me, non-existent readers.

Taken from a piece regarding SUV and their owner's "LUV" for the vehicles:

Stephanie Torgerson, 32, of Pataskala, Ohio, said she simply can't put her three boys in her husband's Mazda 626. The 1-year-old needs a car seat, the 5-year-old needs a booster chair and she doesn't feel comfortable wedging her 8-year-old between the two. Sure, she could probably get better mileage in a minivan, but she doesn't like the stigma. "I don't want to be labeled as a soccer mom," she said. Torgerson said her 2006 Chevy Trailblazer, which gets about 20 mpg, affords her and her kids protection -- not to mention four-wheel drive traction in the snowy winter months. But security comes with a price. Torgerson's daily commute to Hilliard -- another Columbus suburb -- is 72 miles roundtrip. She spends about $82 a week on gas, she said.

Asked if she had considered a hybrid SUV with four-wheel drive, she promptly said no.

"They're all brand-new vehicles, and I can't afford a $500-a-month car payment," she said.

What now? I couldn't have read that correctly. You can't afford a $500-a-month car payment, but you can afford to pay $82 a week on gas? For those of you who are mathematically impaired, that comes out to about $369 dollars a month. Gas prices are only going to increase - sorry, gas isn't going to start falling like manna. Soon enough you'll be paying $500-a-month for gas, and you're going to have to pay the dealership to take your SUV to the scrapheap. Also, the Ford Escape, which offers 4WD, costs roughly $26,000. Assuming you trade in your gas guzzling Trailblazer and you get a net of about $7,000 (I believe this is a reasonable assumption considering this is $2,000 less than what Kelley Blue Book shows for a the model in "good condition" with 40k miles on it), the monthly payments on 60 month lease at 6.9% APR is $409. When you include depreciation and appreciation factors, this becomes even more of a no-brainer. You might not like the stigma of being a soccer mom, but personally I'd think the stigma of being a stupid mom would be worse.

Lawsuits Against Sports Equipment? Really?

To the visitor who hit our blog using the Google search "sue Hank Aaron's bat": thank you. You brightened an otherwise dreary afternoon in the gray-hued, fluorescent cubicle hell of a state agency. Sheer brilliance.

Should There Be a "Duty to Rescue"?

This video, in which a hit-and-run driver hits a man and passers-by do nothing but gawk, sparked a conversation between me and a fellow law clerk about whether tort law should recognize a duty to rescue.

According to the Wikipedia "duty to rescue" article, many European nations at least recognize a duty to contact emergency authorities, although only a few impose a full-fledged affirmative duty to rescue.

What do you guys think American jurisdictions should do with this issue? Should we continue imposing no duty to rescue? Is an affirmative duty to rescue a good idea? Why or why not? What about an intermediate solution such as imposing a duty to contact authorities?

This is a genuine, substantive post. Let's get some comments going for once!

Tuesday, June 3, 2008

Overheard in the Office - June 3, 2008

Assistant: *on the phone giggling with excitement* Let me tell you the joke [someone, hopefully a child of less than 5 years] told me on the way to the airport this morning.

What do you call a cat that just crossed the desert? *pause*

Sandy Claws. *inane giggling*

Me: *buries face in palm*