To the end of zee semester. Fuck you. If I could, I would burn you to death with tiny fires. You have tormented me in the most hideous manners imaginable...even blog-people would not understand. Here's to you and my eternal quest to torture and murder you in your sleep.
Brief addendum:
On second thought, murdering you in your sleep might not be sufficiently satisfying. I need to flay you with the sharpened edges of my secured transactions book and papercuts from Prof. Tree Dweller's horrendously deceptive Enviro I exam.
Showing posts with label Maybe I see some light?. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Maybe I see some light?. Show all posts
Monday, December 15, 2008
Monday, November 10, 2008
Breaking News: "Raccoon Mailer" Arrested!
Recently, one of our dear compatriots, the raccoon himself, was caught while attempting to create more mayhem. This time, the ever-anonymous raccoon was allegedly attempting to steal beer from a private residence. The following are surveillance photos and police press release images of our noble and unjustly imprisoned friend. We are currently pressing the police for authentication of these images, but they have been uncooperative so far.
Supposed surveillance image of our raccoon breaking and entering through the rear entrance of a private residence. Note that the raccoon's face does not appear in the image, making true identification impossible. The police clearly have the wrong raccoon in custody:
Here we see another unauthenticated "surveillance image" of the raccoon allegedly taking beer from a private residence. While our raccoon loves beer (especially Sam Adams Lager when it's on sale at the grocery store), the first thing HE would have done is tear those wires out of the computer in the background. Our raccoon would have likely used the stapler in the photo to staple the Sam Adams box to the destroyed computer wires. Also, who the fuck has security cameras inside their house, particularly ones that zoom in on a specific spot on the desk??? I smell entrapment.
First police press release mugshot of the raccoon. The profile angle clearly shows that this raccoon is obese, whereas our raccoon can literally fly and deliver business reply envelopes! There's no way he could do that if he was a fatass like this pathetic excuse for a raccoon.
Second police press release mugshot of our fuzzy friend. Note that the whiskers and nose are indistinguishable from those of other raccoons. Also note the ominous shadow in the background, which closely resembles the raccoon...THERE IS NO LIGHT BEHIND THE POLICE CAMERA. This is clearly a case of mistaken identity, or perhaps haunting:
Please, we implore you...contribute to the raccoon's bail and defense fund!
Supposed surveillance image of our raccoon breaking and entering through the rear entrance of a private residence. Note that the raccoon's face does not appear in the image, making true identification impossible. The police clearly have the wrong raccoon in custody:
Here we see another unauthenticated "surveillance image" of the raccoon allegedly taking beer from a private residence. While our raccoon loves beer (especially Sam Adams Lager when it's on sale at the grocery store), the first thing HE would have done is tear those wires out of the computer in the background. Our raccoon would have likely used the stapler in the photo to staple the Sam Adams box to the destroyed computer wires. Also, who the fuck has security cameras inside their house, particularly ones that zoom in on a specific spot on the desk??? I smell entrapment.
First police press release mugshot of the raccoon. The profile angle clearly shows that this raccoon is obese, whereas our raccoon can literally fly and deliver business reply envelopes! There's no way he could do that if he was a fatass like this pathetic excuse for a raccoon.
Second police press release mugshot of our fuzzy friend. Note that the whiskers and nose are indistinguishable from those of other raccoons. Also note the ominous shadow in the background, which closely resembles the raccoon...THERE IS NO LIGHT BEHIND THE POLICE CAMERA. This is clearly a case of mistaken identity, or perhaps haunting:
Please, we implore you...contribute to the raccoon's bail and defense fund!
Thursday, August 21, 2008
GPA Destroying Post
Here are the things currently destroying my GPA:
Free Tetris
Free Space Invaders
Free Frogger
Free Pacman
Quick, give me something else before I start studying.
Free Tetris
Free Space Invaders
Free Frogger
Free Pacman
Quick, give me something else before I start studying.
Sunday, August 3, 2008
Successfully teaching an old dog new tricks!
As the crazy Russian guy, Borris (go figure) in James Bond used to say, "I am invinceeeeeeeeeble!" Finally, after a year of subtle hints, I got the professor for which I research to learn proper usage of em dashes and serial commas!
Thursday, July 3, 2008
An Analogy for My Summer Jobs - Acura RSX
First Half - Office of General Counsel, Austin TX
As some of you know, I clerked for the Office of General Counsel for the U. of Texas System during the first half of the summer. Even though it is a state agency, they paid me a reasonable hourly wage, although not nearly what I would have made at most private firms, and the office was nice and well-organized. Each clerk had an individual cubicle with a new computer, there were free sodas and coffee in the office, and we had lunches at least once or twice a week funded by the office or individual attorneys. The dress code was business casual, as in khakis and a collared shirt. The only reason to show up in business attire was for a court appearance. Everyone was laid back and friendly in that familiar Austin-y sort of way.
I left that clerkship with a positive outlook on government work, especially if I could find a way to get into a government job in Austin or a similar market. If I had to compare working at OGC to a type of car, it would be an Acura RSX. It wasn't a top of the line Aston Martin or Lamborghini like a BigLaw firm in a large market, but it would qualify as a reasonably nice upper middle class type of automobile in this analogy.
As some of you know, I clerked for the Office of General Counsel for the U. of Texas System during the first half of the summer. Even though it is a state agency, they paid me a reasonable hourly wage, although not nearly what I would have made at most private firms, and the office was nice and well-organized. Each clerk had an individual cubicle with a new computer, there were free sodas and coffee in the office, and we had lunches at least once or twice a week funded by the office or individual attorneys. The dress code was business casual, as in khakis and a collared shirt. The only reason to show up in business attire was for a court appearance. Everyone was laid back and friendly in that familiar Austin-y sort of way.
I left that clerkship with a positive outlook on government work, especially if I could find a way to get into a government job in Austin or a similar market. If I had to compare working at OGC to a type of car, it would be an Acura RSX. It wasn't a top of the line Aston Martin or Lamborghini like a BigLaw firm in a large market, but it would qualify as a reasonably nice upper middle class type of automobile in this analogy.
Monday, March 10, 2008
Victory: I Have Seen The Others
I got this nice little email this morning:
I didn't even have to show up to an appeal. I essentially got it kicked on summary judgment.
How's that for sticking it to the man! Jack Thompson, eat your heart out.
I looked at the citation you were appealing and we were able to void that ticket.
I didn't even have to show up to an appeal. I essentially got it kicked on summary judgment.
How's that for sticking it to the man! Jack Thompson, eat your heart out.
Thursday, March 6, 2008
Finally, a Good Day
After a week of hell dealing with my student comment and dead hard drive drama, today has been absolutely brilliant. I finished my student comment during my last class, and I think it has at least a slight chance of getting published. However, I'm not going to get my hopes up too much about this one. Just finishing the damn thing removes a HUGE weight from me that has been there since last August.
My girlfriend also landed a summer job. This relieves a lot of stress from both our lives. I am also ecstatic because she will be in this state within driving distance of me during the second half of the summer. This is what happens when you get used to spending every day together.
On top of those two amazing events, it is a beautiful day outside. Upper 60's, slight breeze, clear skies, birds chirping, the works.
Disaster is coming, I just know it.
My girlfriend also landed a summer job. This relieves a lot of stress from both our lives. I am also ecstatic because she will be in this state within driving distance of me during the second half of the summer. This is what happens when you get used to spending every day together.
On top of those two amazing events, it is a beautiful day outside. Upper 60's, slight breeze, clear skies, birds chirping, the works.
Disaster is coming, I just know it.
Thursday, February 7, 2008
Effective Immediately
Dear Registrar, Law Review, and Moot Court,
In an act of sacrifice and remembrance of the 40 days Jesus spent in the desert, Noah spent on the ark, Moses spent on Mt. Sinai, Elijah spent walking to Mount Horeb, I will be abstaining from Moot Court and Law Review until the Easter feast. This is all because these things take up most of my time and it is less time to reflect upon religious matters (you know, the whole reasoning behind Lent). You may point out that I am not giving up school. Well, this is much like the practice that meat, eggs and dairy products are generally proscribed, but fish isn't. Aquinas reasoned that they afford greater pleasure as food [than fish], and greater nourishment to the human body, so that from their consumption there results a greater surplus available for seminal matter, which when abundant becomes a great incentive to lust. (Summa Q147). Law Review and Moot Court afford greater pleasure and greater nourishment to my resume, therefore an incentive to lust.
I understand this may put you in a bind. Too bad. You are a state law school and cannot impose on my religious views. Please do not take any discriminatory or retaliatory action against me. See Good News Club v. Milford Central School, 533 U.S. 98 (2001).
In an act of sacrifice and remembrance of the 40 days Jesus spent in the desert, Noah spent on the ark, Moses spent on Mt. Sinai, Elijah spent walking to Mount Horeb, I will be abstaining from Moot Court and Law Review until the Easter feast. This is all because these things take up most of my time and it is less time to reflect upon religious matters (you know, the whole reasoning behind Lent). You may point out that I am not giving up school. Well, this is much like the practice that meat, eggs and dairy products are generally proscribed, but fish isn't. Aquinas reasoned that they afford greater pleasure as food [than fish], and greater nourishment to the human body, so that from their consumption there results a greater surplus available for seminal matter, which when abundant becomes a great incentive to lust. (Summa Q147). Law Review and Moot Court afford greater pleasure and greater nourishment to my resume, therefore an incentive to lust.
I understand this may put you in a bind. Too bad. You are a state law school and cannot impose on my religious views. Please do not take any discriminatory or retaliatory action against me. See Good News Club v. Milford Central School, 533 U.S. 98 (2001).
Monday, January 28, 2008
Snubbed . . . again.
I've been in communication with a BigLaw firm (hereinafter "BigLaw") since early in the fall. My contact had been someone from my very small hometown who wound up a BigLaw partner in the state where everything is bigger. BigLaw wanted to see my grades from fall semester before I got a flyback interview. Well, my grades, of course, were again at the top of the class and they scheduled a fly back. I get a letter over the weekend saying that they have filled all of their summer associate positions for the summer. A lot of cursing and angry thoughts ensued. Accordevery other interview in my law school career.
Today was your average day from hell. Prof. ConLaw decided to go very fast and I have to have a brief in tomorrow (a few days early), of course I haven't even started. My moot court brief is due to my partner a week from today. The prof. I research for has been stopping me in the hall "to see how it's going" (i.e., hurry up with my research). I haven't started editing the treatise for my employer from last summer that is due in 3 weeks. Law review hands out another citecheck. Then law review decides to throw in another assignment that wasn't on the schedule.
I get home about to binge on some Cherry Garcia and then I check my email for the 53d time today. BigLaw from SmallHometown sent me an email saying that she had lunch today with a friend, mentioned me, and friend said that I should "definitely" send my resume to her. I looked her up and she (hereinafter "BiggerLaw") turns out to work at a Bigger BigLaw law firm. Turns out BiggerLaw is the hiring partner. Is there redemption afterall, is this my Damascus Road experience?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Posts
