Sunday, December 23, 2007

Staying in Practice of Surfing the Net While on Break

Here are a few good links:

Bizarre Records


Also, someone sent me a link to 2 Girls 1 Cup. First time I saw it. I don't even know what to say. If Joe Rogan can't watch it then I don't know who can. Joe Rogan watching. Also here are some General Reactions I'll let you find the actual video yourself.

Monday, December 17, 2007

I just got my ass handed to me on my easiest exam this semester (so they say). I knew I was screwed when I picked up the exam and it was 15 pages on legal sized paper. According to the grade distribution over the last two years the prof. gave 50% A's and only twice gave below a B+ to give 1 B and 1 C. All throughout the semester I've been wondering what that 1 loser did to earn that C. I think I just found out.

It was the worst exam I've ever turned in. I'm going to vomit.

Thursday, December 13, 2007

The Night Before Christmas...Legal Power Nerd Version

Author Unknown

Whereas, on or about the night prior to Christmas, there did occur
at a certain improved piece of real property (hereinafter "the
house") a general lack of stirring by all creatures therein,
including, but not limited to, a mouse.

A variety of foot apparel, e.g., stocking, socks, etc., had been
affixed by and around the chimney in said House in the hope and/or
belief that St. Nick a/k/a/ St. Nicholas a/k/a/ Santa Claus
(hereinafter "Claus") would arrive at sometime thereafter.

The minor residents, i.e. the children, of the aforementioned House
were located in their individual beds and were engaged in nocturnal
hallucinations, i.e. dreams, wherein vision of confectionery
treats, including, but not limited to, candies, nuts and/or sugar
plums, did dance, cavort and otherwise appear in said dreams.

Whereupon the party of the first part (sometimes hereinafter
referred to as ("I"), being the joint-owner in fee simple of the
House with the party of the second part (hereinafter "Mamma"), and
said Mamma had retired for a sustained period of sleep. (At such
time, the parties were clad in various forms of headgear, e.g.,
kerchief and cap.

Suddenly, and without prior notice or warning, there did occur
upon the unimproved real property adjacent and appurtenant to
said House, i.e., the lawn, a certain disruption of unknown nature,
cause and/or circumstance. The party of the first part did
immediately rush to a window in the House to investigate the cause
of such disturbance.

At that time, the party of the first part did observe, with some
degree of wonder and/or disbelief, a miniature sleigh (hereinafter
"the Vehicle") being pulled and/or drawn very rapidly through the
air by approximately eight (8) reindeer. The driver of the Vehicle
appeared to be, and in fact was, the previously referenced Claus.

Said Claus was providing specific direction, instruction and
guidance to the approximately eight (8) reindeer and specifically
identified the animal co-conspirators by name Dasher, Dancer,
Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner and Blitzen (hereinafter "the
Deer"). (Upon information and belief, it is further asserted that
an additional co-conspirator named "Rudolph" may have been

The party of the first part witnessed Claus, the Vehicle and the
Deer intentionally and willfully trespass upon the roofs of several
residences located adjacent to and in the vicinity of the House,
and noted that the Vehicle was heavily laden with packages, toys
and other items of unknown origin or nature. Suddenly, without
prior invitation or permission, either express or implied, the
Vehicle arrived at the House, and Claus entered said House via
the chimney.

Said Claus was clad in a red fur suit, which was partially covered
with residue from the chimney, and he carried a large sack
containing a portion of the aforementioned packages, toys, and
other unknown items. He was smoking what appeared to be tobacco
in a small pipe in blatant violation of local ordinances and health

Claus did not speak, but immediately began to fill the stocking of
the minor children, which hung adjacent to the chimney, with toys
and other small gifts. (Said items constituting transfers to minors
of present property in contravention of 26 U.S.C. 250 (c)).

Upon completion of such task, Claus touched the side of his nose
and flew,rose and/or ascended up the chimney of the House to the
roof here the Vehicle and Deer waited and/or served as "lookouts."
Claus immediately departed for an unknown destination.

However, prior to the departure of the Vehicle, Deer and Claus from
said House, the party of the first part did hear Claus state and/or
exclaim "Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night!" Or words
to that effect.


Wednesday, December 12, 2007

Professor Hair Club - 12/13/07

I've been working on my Admin Law take home exam, so I'm running across all my Prof. Hair Club quotes in my notes.  Here's another one:

"The worst behavior in today's cases is of course the chocolate manufacturers who wanted to keep chocolate milk in the free school lunch program. Chocolate is gooooooooooooodddddd kiddies!  What's a little fat and sugar among friends?"

Tuesday, December 11, 2007

The Joys of "Adding Authority" for Law Review

From a friend of a law blogging friend:

Metheus:  why the fuck do you have to cite to common knowledge?

Silly Little Law Student:  b/c everything has a source lol

Metheus:  "The sun rises in the east."  Fucktard, Stupid Shit Everybody Knows, But I Wrote it First Cuz I'm a Narcissist, 45 Fuck Me Law School L. Rev. 787 (2004).

Metheus:  Can you sense the hostility?  It's a bit subtle.

Professor Hair Club - 12/11/07

It's been a while since I've posted a Prof. Hair Club installment, so here's one from my notes:

"I've exhausted my profanity quota for today.  Just IM each other if you want to know the facts in Cohen.  I'm sure you're capable of doing that."

Note:  Cohen is the 1st Amendment case involving a guy wearing a jacket that said "Fuck the Draft."

Saturday, December 8, 2007

Shouldn't Be Worrying About This, But...

This question from our Business Organizations final is still getting under my skin two days later. You don't really have to know the fact pattern to answer the question because it is completely tangential to the main problem.  The only fact you need to know is that Percy wants his private equity firm to buy out X Corp., and Karl, playing the role of Made In the USA, is upset.  The professor let us keep the exam questions, so here it is verbatim:

"Karl, president of the Widget Workers of the World union local at X's factory, is concerned that the workers at X's factory will lose their jobs if Percy's plan is implemented.  If he communicates this concern to the Board of Directors, is it relevant to their determination of how to proceed?  Can Karl communicate his statement to the shareholders in the hope that they will not tender to Percy?"

The first question didn't bother me too much.  The professor was probably looking for the idea that directors' primary duty is to the shareholders, but that they can also consider "other factors" in deciding the best course of action.  The second question is what bothers me.

After reading the second question during the exam, my first thought was "Karl has a First Amendment right to speak to anyone he wants about any topic unless it incites violence or is treasonous (among other things)."  The fucker could walk up to the shareholders on the street carrying a giant neon sign that says "DON'T TENDER TO PERCY, HE SEXUALLY TORTURES KITTENS," and the worst thing that would happen is Percy would sue him for defamation (assuming that Percy doesn't actually abuse baby cats).  Maybe the local police would ticket him for demonstrating without a permit.

Some of my classmates decided that the professor was looking for a discussion of shareholder proxy statements, which is probably true.  However, we spent every bit of 15 minutes through the entire semester covering proxy statements in class.  I'm not even sure any of the assigned cases discussed them.  I had a proxy statement section (courtesy of Legalines) in my outline, but what good is an outline when you completely miss the issue because the professor didn't teach the material (or assign any substantial reading on it) and worded the question so it sounded like Con Law version 2.0?

Before any of you say "well, you DID spend 15 minutes on it in class, so it was fair game even though it sucks"...perhaps.  We also spent a couple of weeks of class on securities fraud under 10(b)-5 of the Securities and Exchange Act, and it wasn't mentioned on the exam.  Something about this is not right.  I don't have a problem with detailed questions, but it really chaps my ass to be tested on material the course didn't cover, especially when substantial portions of course material are completely omitted.

Interestingly enough, I thought the exam went well overall.  That one question just really bothers me for some reason.

Friday, December 7, 2007

I don't really feel like studying. Most of my exams are take home, what's the point?

I think I may repost the 100ish posts that I deleted when I got scared that Big Brother was coming after me. We'll see. Regardless, I'll be posting regularly, again, if my apathy can spawn some humor.

Thursday, December 6, 2007

Northwestern School of Medicine E-mail Scandal

Here are three emails (in chronological order) that were sent out to applicants who had interviewed with the office of admissions. Apparently, Med. School admissions in a multi-step process and if you are selected to interview it is a big deal.

Dear [Name Redacted],

Thank you for interviewing with us---however, we decided that you are not worthy to be a Feinberg School of Medicine student. Please do not contact us, and realize that sleeping with the head of the department will not assist you to be acceptance.

However, if you perceive yourself in the future as [Name Redacted], MD, I suggest one of our finer international schools.


Pamela Meadows


Pamela A. Meadows , M.Ed.

Special Projects Coordinator, Admissions

Northwestern University
Feinberg School of Medicine
303 East Chicago Avenue
Chicago, IL 60611-3008
P: (312) 503-8206 F: (312) 503-0550
*Note: My last day of employment is Friday, November 30. Please contact the Admissions Front Desk at (312) 503-8206 for any questions.

Then the admissions office sent out the following e-mail:

Good evening Feinberg applicants,

On Tuesday November 27, 2007 at 5:33pm, it came to my attention that an email in my name has been sent to interviewed applicants about a decision written in a most inappropriate and offense nature. This email is erroneous. The email sent is completely and utterly false. It disturbs me professionally and personally that this occurred prior to my departure to the Feinberg School of Medicine.

Please disregard any email message sent regarding your status as a Feinberg medical applicant. Your OFFICIAL status is obtained only through an official hard-copy letter mailed to your current residency by the Dean of Admissions. All other updates occur through the secure applicant website on the Feinberg School of Medicine webpage.

Pamela Meadows

Finally, one of the Deans sent an e-mail to the applicants

Dear Applicant:

I am writing to explain that you may have received unauthorized emails yesterday from the admissions office at the Feinberg School of Medicine. An employee sent an email with false information presented in a grossly unprofessional and offensive manner. A second email was sent to another group of our interviewed applicants asking that the first be disregarded. Hence you may have received one or two unauthorized emails.

I wish to personally apologize for these mailings and to assure you of the following:

1. No action has yet been taken on your application by our admissions committee. All current information regarding your application status is available on our secure website.

2. The responsible individual is no longer with Northwestern University and does not have access to any university property including personal information such as your email address, AMCAS number, etc.

3. Our Information Technology department has assured me that all applicant information is secure.

Again, I apologize for this event and the distress it has caused. Please contact me if you have any questions.


Warren H. Wallace, MD

Associate Dean for Admissions

I find it interesting that the first "prank" e-mail was sent out three days before Meadows' last day on the job. If I were pissed off at my employer and wanted to go out with a boom, I would sent out a crass e-mail and claim that my e-mail had been "hacked"

Wednesday, December 5, 2007


I just nailed down the second half of my summer. I will be paid unless I change my mind and do something stupid. I have also taken care of those pesky two weeks off and found another job with a firm from last summer.

That means that by then end of August I will have had five legal experience positions. Two of them at a repeat customer. Out of those five only one came courtesy of CSO.

I guess I just don't interview as well as I thought...

I don't care. I'm getting paid!

Bonus: The firm is in the city I've tried to get a job in since I started looking. I guess the shortbus kids don't have a solid lock on that market. Just the high paying jobs...

Another Great Moment in CSO History: Oblivion

I received a follow up e-mail from CSO the other day urging me to come in and speak with them. It amazes me and how disconnected they are from the job search process. Here is the mindset of CSO: you have one job offer for the summer, you have no reason to complain because you are ahead of 90% of the rest of the class.

This troubles me that a Tier 1 school CSO has this mindset. It troubles me that we boast a high 90% job placement, but yet 90% of our class doesn't have an offer. I'm even more discouraged because the one offer I have may not necessarily be the job offer I want. Yet, since I have one offer, I should not look for other employment that I may actually prefer over the offer I have. The irony is not lost on me that the counselors in CSO left practice because they were not happy with their jobs as attorneys (or so the stereotype goes), yet the seem to place no value on potential job satisfaction.

They try so hard to make lemonade out of lemons that it is absurd.

CSO kind of reminds me of our old friend, Baghdad Bob

For You Med-Mal Types - Another Link

I'm sorry sir, your wife died on the operating table

OK, so maybe the act in the strip is more along the lines of a battery or a criminal charge of rape.

Follow-Up to the Benny Lava Video

Wikipedia article about Prabhu Deva Sundaram, the video's primary male dancer. I have yet to uncover anything about his female companion in the video.

/commence unearthing more amusing Indian music videos


Monday, December 3, 2007


I was sending out resumes tonight to small law firms with 10-20 attorneys from a Martindale search. Most firms of this size do not have a recruiting contact or mention that they hire summer law clerks. Instead, on their general contact page they have a generic email address usually

I sent out an email tonight, "I am curious if your law firm hires summer clerks. I am truly interest in living and working in _____ this summer and after graduation. If so, would you mind providing me with the contact information of your recruiting coordinator?"

Here's a response I received from a . . . I can't even come up with an appropriate insult.

"Yes, [Incorrect alternate spelling of my name- not only is my email address, but it is in my signature], we have summer law clerks, but I wouldn't count on getting a position with any decent firm by sending out one paragraph blast e- mails. Best, [redacted]"

Oh, even better. This was the first name partner.

"If you need a come back and can't come up with something...

Yeah, I got it the first time.

Dear Law Firm Recruiting Co-ordinator,

I would like to thank you for your letter of October 12, 2007 congratulating me on my academic success and expressing your firm's poor fortune by not being able to offer me a position with your firm. I would like to thank you, as well, for your letter of November 9, 2007, again, wishing me success in my future endeavors and expressing your deep sorrow and the massive amounts of well qualified applicants like me to which you are unable to offer positions. If I did not get the point the first two times, I would like to thank you for your third letter of December 3, 2008, again, refusing to employ me this summer. I know that well qualified candidates like myself can be very persistent and likely have a sense of self-entitlement when it comes to submitting resumes to third-tier insurance defense firms, but your policy of taking "baby steps" and breaking the news to applicants with outstanding credentials gently and over a long period of time seems to be very effective in getting your point across. Programs which involve multiple steps (See generallyAlcoholics Anonymous) tend to have a life changing effect, and I am very proud that your recruitment has three stages of rejection: Step 1. Flat Out Rejection; Step 2. Again, Flat Out Rejection; Step. 3, Again, Flat Out Rejection Again. Over the past 6 years of my higher education, many inspiring professors have preached the magnitude of the written word and its power to evoke a response from mankind. I never would have imagined that 2 pages of a cover letter and resume on 24 lb. ivory bond paper created in a mail merge to 321 other law firms would inspire you to send me three different letters on three different dates. It really touches me to know that my single letter inspired you so. I thank you for that feeling, it is something that I could never attain from any other summer clerkship program.

As well, next time you have your secret backroom meeting with other law firm recruiters, I would very much appreciate it if you could discuss the importance of exercising discretion in your letters. While many students spend hours trying to figure out who was hired in their place, it tends to take away from in-class web surfing when you tell us which students you hired in your rejection letter. While you may take pride in telling students that you passed over hiring a student from a top-tier school to hire a student from a JuCo law school, we too take pride in knowing that we have been rejected from better firms.

Do Your Friends Speak Hindi?

If anyone reading this blog has an Indian friend, for the love of MUST watch this video:

Bad Indian Music Video With Humorous (Even Worse)
English Subtitles

Dear...god. I can't stop watching it, and I don't know why.

Sanjay, I'm probably going to call you Benny Lava for the duration of holiday break. I'm sorry, but I'm sure you understand.

Saturday, December 1, 2007

Analogy: Westlaw = Heroin?

Having free, unlimited access to Westlaw spoils law students because Westlaw is anything but free and unlimited in practice.  This is like having free, unlimited heroin before discovering that the hypothetical real world only has poppy seeds.

I have no clue what got me started thinking about Westlaw (or heroin).