Recruiting Volunteers: Stress Relief Through Absurdity and Humor

That last post might have been a bit premature. I'm working on a new photo-blogging series about anything that screws with big businesses in random ways.

First project:
1. collect Business Reply Mail envelopes from ANYwhere
2. Mail anything you want to get rid of back to the large corporation of your choice...assuming you can fit it into a standard envelope.
3. The entire point is to pin the cost of these mailings on these companies using the most ridiculous things you can dig out of your closet.
4. Write at least three standard English letters together and in sequence on something inside the envelope. For example, I might write "GF" on a piece of notebook paper that goes in the envelope.
5. READ PART #4 AT THE END OF THIS POST

Yes, it's been done before. Trillions of adolescents have probably used this as a subconscious tool for rebellion, all the while chuckling to themselves like weasels about how clever they were. While I am indeed chuckling like a weasel, I don't find it terribly clever anymore since I just gained a renewed interest in it via this quote from www.bash.org. Honestly, who gives a shit? I'm also going to call OUR rebellion "Driving Up the Cost of Sending Junk Mail: An Externality on YOU from the Minds of Idiots." I'm also naming the rebellion "I like random shit people do for no apparent reason, Or Would You Kindly Get a Sense of the Absurd."

My official title in the rebellion shall be "Grand Field Marshal Mail Ninja." I may be addressed as "Marshal," "Sir," or "Comrade." Or Guy Fawkes, whatever.

Anyone interested? Trust me, this can be an effective outlet for some of that school/work/family/life stress that's on most of us. Just forget who you are right now and do something ridiculous


Better yet, POST SOME OTHER "PROJECT" IDEAS. Just brain-dump some comments with absurd things you've always wanted to do in ANY context, legal or illegal. This includes stabbing me in the face over the Internet.









Disclaimer:
4. DO NOT MAIL/SHIP ANYTHING THAT COULD EVEN CONCEIVABLY BE DANGEROUS. This also means do not send any illegal materials, whether or not they are dangerous while in the package. Unlike the failed revolution in which Guy Fawkes participated, nothing from this fun little distraction should cause ANY type of destruction.

I'm not saying this just to cover my ass. I mean it, internet peoplez. The idea here is to have fun and mock the American financial system (economy in general?...whatever you want to mock...mock mock mock). No one gets physically injured or even put in harm's way for any reason. For some helpful info on what NOT to send, here are a couple of links:

USPS Info RE: Hazardous Materials
USPS Aviation Mail Guidelines

The Aviation Mail Guidelines also contain links to the most current USPS guidelines on most other safety areas. Also, if your mail goes out through a method other than USPS...make sure you AT LEAST follow the USPS Safety Guidelines and anything additional your carrier requires.

Gen. MacArthur as a 3L: Articulating A Departure from the Phillippines

I've lost my motivation to blog anything lately. I think the swing-and-miss with the kangaroo video finally broke my blogging will. I even have an extensive backlog of Prof. Tree Hugger quotes, including one in which we bantered about Jurassic Fight Club (the History Channel show) in classic 3L/apathetic prof. fashion. Phaedrus and I also played the primary roles in what has become known as "The Legend of the Horseman's Smashing Pumpkin" around our class.

Blogging here just isn't giving me the outlet I need anymore. Perhaps I will share more amusing anecdotes in the future, but I'm not going to personally try to keep The War alive. Such are the ways of the 3L.

French Humor, It Exists, Oui?

Admittedly, I have an unusually strong penchant for some odd types of humor. See, for example, the immediately preceding post. However, I think almost everyone can appreciate this legitimately epic gem that is currently making the rounds online. I would not post this if it wasn't worth watching all the way through. I have only come to tears from laughter roughly four times in my life, including about 10 minutes ago. All I will say is that it involves a "jackass kangaroo."



Consider how long it probably took these insane Frenchies to get some of the shots in the video. Hopping through at precisely the right time to steal fast food as it passes through the drive-through window? Few words can describe the brilliance of this absurdity.

A Fucking Rankings Post

The law school gods want my soul, and they're pretty close to getting it. Class rankings were just released, and I again raised my GPA by a substantial amount that allowed me to move up several spots in the class. Unfortunately, our class yet again lost JUST ENOUGH people from the bottom of the class to keep me from crossing over that ever-elusive top-X% cutoff I've been chasing since my first law school grades were released. This cutoff will string me along until final grades are released next spring, leaving me precisely one spot outside the cutoff.

I fucking give up. Fuck grades, fuck rankings, fuck the gamesmanship of letter grade avoidance, fuck job searching, fuck employment, fuck "T14" (whatever that really means) elitists, fuck law school, fuck the legal profession in general. What the fuck does it fucking take to move up in this system? How valid can an evaluation system really be when the evaluation criteria are complete bullshit and on top of that, there is no possible upward mobility?

Perhaps the answer to this problem is to game the system like most of the people ranked above me do. Fuck all these substantive classes, I'm going to look up the classes with the highest possible grade distributions and exclusively take those! After I get the ranking I want, I'll take non-graded classes and judicial externships so I can keep my GPA artificially inflated, thereby making it impossible for anyone to overtake me! I see the light at the end of the tunnel...it's the brilliant flash from the energy released when the law school gods finally sever my soul from my body and make me one of their minions.

Ouch...

I don't think legs are supposed to bend that way.

Finally, a Good Day

After a week of hell dealing with my student comment and dead hard drive drama, today has been absolutely brilliant. I finished my student comment during my last class, and I think it has at least a slight chance of getting published. However, I'm not going to get my hopes up too much about this one. Just finishing the damn thing removes a HUGE weight from me that has been there since last August.

My girlfriend also landed a summer job. This relieves a lot of stress from both our lives. I am also ecstatic because she will be in this state within driving distance of me during the second half of the summer. This is what happens when you get used to spending every day together.

On top of those two amazing events, it is a beautiful day outside. Upper 60's, slight breeze, clear skies, birds chirping, the works.

Disaster is coming, I just know it.

Fingers of Fire

A local restaurant serves what they call "fingers of fire," which are basically chicken fingers with some (extremely mild) hot sauce poured over them.

Tonight, my fingers are ON fire, which is probably the result of cutting up three fresh jalapeno peppers about half an hour ago. I've washed my hands at least four times, but nothing helps. I'm just glad I haven't taken a piss.

Evaluating the semester

Grade Distributions came out recently (the registrar prints out a sheet of how many people go what grade in each class). While my overall GPA and class rank for the fall semester was exceptional, my performances in my classes was pretty poor. Honestly, I got one of the lowest grades in one class. While I would like to attribute my performance to a number of distractions (interviews, law review, football, etc.), truth is that the buck stops here so to speak. Somehow, I was at the top of the middle of the curve in every class (with one or two exceptions). Again, I would like to attribute this to many factors: taking classes I wasn't interested in because they have a high grade distribution, taking 16 hours, having classes where everyone was in the top 10% of their class, the professor's vision problems while grading my paper, etc. I don't think I can do that. Truth is, I dropped the ball. Fact is, despite my overall poor performance (in my Type A opinion), I somehow managed to be at the very top of the class right at the benchmark number. What does this say? Frankly, it says that there is a good deal of gamesmanship in being at the top of your class. I think, after all, taking classes that did not interest me because they had a high grade distribution paid off. Even though it may have lowered my performance (maybe), that lowered performance was still better than most of the law school. I wonder why everyone hasn't caught on to this? I've heard a lot of "this is a BAR class." To me, that translates to "this is a low curve class." Then again, I think I have the determination and independence to learn BAR material in a bar prep course (as most professors have told me to do- that is, instead of taking BAR classes for the sake of taking BAR classes).

I'm a bit down, but I really shouldn't be. I expect better of myself and seeing how I did in each class really made me contrite. Last thing I need is a downer right now. There's law review, moot court is kicking my ass and writing my name on the board, I'm a research assistant for a prof. who is "loan sharking" me for more research, and I took an outside commitment to research and edit a Thompson West Treatise, oh yeah- there is still the law review comment which is too promising to give up on. I will finish all of this by March 14. But, that will have me ripe for studying for finals and right now my class preparation is Zero. I'm screwed.

Great Moments in Judicial Opinions

I want to start a new regular section on funny comments in actual cases by the judge. Maybe someone can suggest a great title.

I got the idea when I was reading through a case for my moot court brief, as a general rule, it is never a good thing when the judge says this about your argument,

We were not impressed

(citation withheld until after the moot court competition)

Here is the inaugural quote:

The trial transcript quotes Ms. Hayden as saying Murphy called her a snitch bitch 'hoe.' A 'hoe,' of course, is a tool used for weeding and gardening. ... We have taken the liberty of changing 'hoe' to 'ho,' a staple of rap music vernacular as, for example, when Ludacris raps, 'You doin' ho activities with ho tendencies.

United States v. Murphy, 406 F.3d 857, 859 n.1 (7th Cir. 2005).

Sometimes Online Bots Win in Real Life

Here is a copy/paste of a bot post on an online forum I read. The porn bots hit this particular forum in force recently, but this online-pharmacy-virus/trojan post takes the cake. Read the entire post. It's worth it. My favorite is "[i]nstead of asking your babe about his or her friends, launch a barbeque organization and interrogate your baby to invite some of his or her friends."

"Statistics compass shown that instances of teen drug addiction escape in continued chains from parents to children. This is why like now is the day to either cleft the chain of teen drug addiction or mark it from forming. No proportions of dense work, money, renunciation is payment another than breaking a chain of substance abuse or preventing one from forming.

For some, the vicious cycle of teen drug abuse begins at familiar when they are influenced by the addictive behaviors their parents exhibit. For example, children of alcoholics (COAs) are a party of individuals who suffer the plight of their parents' alcoholism.

As a teenager, the likelihood of exposing to drugs and alcohol is genuine high, and there is a congenial chance that you testament effort drugs and alcohol.

Much though you impart yourself that you will lone buy tramadol slap drugs once, you engage in it one aggrandized time, and then one deeper future after that, and before you discriminate it you are developing a drug problem. One of the consequences of drug and alcohol abuse is addiction. Most teens don't envisage that they will mature addicted, and simply benefit drug and alcohol to own a bad time.

However, the deed of addiction to drugs and alcohol can conclusion in some appealing undesirable consequences, such as loss of friendships, health problems, behavioral problems, alienation of family, and a loss of care in sports, academics, hobbies, etc. Substance abuse and addiction can emphatically modify behavior, and a latest preoccupation with drugs can assemblage absent activities that were formerly important, adore sports or academics.


End this is a discreet and non-invasive way. Always enshrine that teenagers can be fully protective of their privacy. Instead of asking your babe about his or her friends, launch a barbeque organization and interrogate your baby to invite some of his or her friends.

Inviting your kid"s friends over to the apartment is the ace conduct to shop for to apprehend them better. You may further embolden the kids to hang environing the co-op every instantly and then so that you can inspect them without truly appearing as well nosy or something. Duration busy in some worthwhile activities can cure grip your girl elsewhere from drug addiction."

I couldn't make this shit up. It would take days.