Rebuttal: It's Not My Ass that Needs to Be Moving

My dear friend, Fawkes, brought up a good point. Grades aren't everything. He is right. This is why the law school publishes a photo-directory that is disseminated to potential employers: If you don't have good grades, just be a hot girl and you are fine.

This theory is particularly strong for 1L OCIs. Think about it, as a first-year, you may have a Lexis or Westlaw "certification" that you received for going to some pizza lunch, but other than that, you probably don't know how to research anything other than a case. In fact, you probably omit the space between "So." and "2d," among other grievous errors. It comes down to this: the quality in actual know how (not taking into account potential and ability to develop) of a 1L is the same, almost, from #1 to bottom of the class. So if you are getting the same amount of competence from a first-year, why not hire a hot female 1L? I would! Employers my first year overlooked me for hot low-ranked females.

Now, if you're not a female and you have low grades... you should probably look for what your Career Service Office calls "Alternative Legal Jobs." This includes anything from being an insurance adjuster to a congressional staffer with a redundant five-word job title to describe opening and stuffing envelopes.

Trust me, if there's some ass that needs to be moving, I'm going to be the moving it.