Judgments & Assumptions

Whenever I see a girl in law school who has a mild case of acne, I assume that she is on her period.

Breaking News: "Raccoon Mailer" Arrested!

Recently, one of our dear compatriots, the raccoon himself, was caught while attempting to create more mayhem. This time, the ever-anonymous raccoon was allegedly attempting to steal beer from a private residence. The following are surveillance photos and police press release images of our noble and unjustly imprisoned friend. We are currently pressing the police for authentication of these images, but they have been uncooperative so far.


Supposed surveillance image of our raccoon breaking and entering through the rear entrance of a private residence. Note that the raccoon's face does not appear in the image, making true identification impossible. The police clearly have the wrong raccoon in custody:



Here we see another unauthenticated "surveillance image" of the raccoon allegedly taking beer from a private residence. While our raccoon loves beer (especially Sam Adams Lager when it's on sale at the grocery store), the first thing HE would have done is tear those wires out of the computer in the background. Our raccoon would have likely used the stapler in the photo to staple the Sam Adams box to the destroyed computer wires. Also, who the fuck has security cameras inside their house, particularly ones that zoom in on a specific spot on the desk??? I smell entrapment.




First police press release mugshot of the raccoon. The profile angle clearly shows that this raccoon is obese, whereas our raccoon can literally fly and deliver business reply envelopes! There's no way he could do that if he was a fatass like this pathetic excuse for a raccoon.



Second police press release mugshot of our fuzzy friend. Note that the whiskers and nose are indistinguishable from those of other raccoons. Also note the ominous shadow in the background, which closely resembles the raccoon...THERE IS NO LIGHT BEHIND THE POLICE CAMERA. This is clearly a case of mistaken identity, or perhaps haunting:


Please, we implore you...contribute to the raccoon's bail and defense fund!

GPA Destroying Post

Here are the things currently destroying my GPA:

Free Tetris

Free Space Invaders

Free Frogger

Free Pacman

Quick, give me something else before I start studying.

Google Search of the Day - 7/9/08

These posts are always fun. The blog has been around long enough to accumulate some fairly amusing search terms resulting in hits to our site, so I will post one of these every few days. I will also add some brief commentary that I hope will elucidate why these enterprising Googlers would resort to such search strings. Think of it as a little amusement pellet to get you through your otherwise boring day.

Google search of the day:
perversion school 02


Note that this is a different item from the one mentioned in a previous post in which I revealed the "perversion in the school" search term. This suggests someone actually GRADUATED from somewhere known as PERVERSION SCHOOL and is proud of his '02 class. I think it was Phaedrus.

My New Favorite Blog

Although this blog is not serious, it is hilarious!

Check out:

Standing Still at Concerts

Divorce

Whole Foods and Grocery Co-ops

Knowing What's Best for Poor People

Lawyers

But perhaps the one main reason why white people love lawyers is the sense that they are giving back to the community. Most white people major in the arts, and law school is pretty much the only option for anyone with a BA that wants a decent paying job. Basically this love of the law is keeping the demand for lawyers much higher than it should be. So paying lawyer fees to settle the smallest problem, is the white person equivalent of Warrick Dunn building homes for low income families.

MY FAVORITE Arts Degrees

These degrees enable white people to spend four yeas of their lives reading books, writing papers and feeling great about themselves. It is a known fact that Arts students firmly believe that they are doing you/society a favor by not getting a job and reading Proust. They use this to protest for reduced tuition, more money for the arts, and special reduced student rates on things like bus passes.

But what about the white people who study Science, Engineering or Business? Unless they become doctors, they essentially lose white person status (and can only be regained by working at a non-profit).

So why would white people spend all that time studying and working to get into college if they are just going to read books that they might have read in their free time? Because white people have it made. They can take that degree and easily parlay it into a non profit job, an art gallery job, or work in publishing. If the pay is low, no problem, their parents will happily help out with rent until they magically start making six figures or non-magically turn 40.

White people can also take that degree and go to graduate school (future post) and eventually become a professor or adjunct professor where they will still require parental support.

If they are REALLY ambitious and need to make money, they can take that degree and go to Law School.

The Night Before Christmas...Legal Power Nerd Version

Author Unknown

Whereas, on or about the night prior to Christmas, there did occur
at a certain improved piece of real property (hereinafter "the
house") a general lack of stirring by all creatures therein,
including, but not limited to, a mouse.

A variety of foot apparel, e.g., stocking, socks, etc., had been
affixed by and around the chimney in said House in the hope and/or
belief that St. Nick a/k/a/ St. Nicholas a/k/a/ Santa Claus
(hereinafter "Claus") would arrive at sometime thereafter.

The minor residents, i.e. the children, of the aforementioned House
were located in their individual beds and were engaged in nocturnal
hallucinations, i.e. dreams, wherein vision of confectionery
treats, including, but not limited to, candies, nuts and/or sugar
plums, did dance, cavort and otherwise appear in said dreams.

Whereupon the party of the first part (sometimes hereinafter
referred to as ("I"), being the joint-owner in fee simple of the
House with the party of the second part (hereinafter "Mamma"), and
said Mamma had retired for a sustained period of sleep. (At such
time, the parties were clad in various forms of headgear, e.g.,
kerchief and cap.

Suddenly, and without prior notice or warning, there did occur
upon the unimproved real property adjacent and appurtenant to
said House, i.e., the lawn, a certain disruption of unknown nature,
cause and/or circumstance.  The party of the first part did
immediately rush to a window in the House to investigate the cause
of such disturbance.

At that time, the party of the first part did observe, with some
degree of wonder and/or disbelief, a miniature sleigh (hereinafter
"the Vehicle") being pulled and/or drawn very rapidly through the
air by approximately eight (8) reindeer. The driver of the Vehicle
appeared to be, and in fact was, the previously referenced Claus.

Said Claus was providing specific direction, instruction and
guidance to the approximately eight (8) reindeer and specifically
identified the animal co-conspirators by name Dasher, Dancer,
Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner and Blitzen (hereinafter "the
Deer"). (Upon information and belief, it is further asserted that
an additional co-conspirator named "Rudolph" may have been
involved.)

The party of the first part witnessed Claus, the Vehicle and the
Deer intentionally and willfully trespass upon the roofs of several
residences located adjacent to and in the vicinity of the House,
and noted that the Vehicle was heavily laden with packages, toys
and other items of unknown origin or nature. Suddenly, without
prior invitation or permission, either express or implied, the
Vehicle arrived at the House, and Claus entered said House via
the chimney.

Said Claus was clad in a red fur suit, which was partially covered
with residue from the chimney, and he carried a large sack
containing a portion of the aforementioned packages, toys, and
other unknown items. He was smoking what appeared to be tobacco
in a small pipe in blatant violation of local ordinances and health
regulations.

Claus did not speak, but immediately began to fill the stocking of
the minor children, which hung adjacent to the chimney, with toys
and other small gifts. (Said items constituting transfers to minors
of present property in contravention of 26 U.S.C. 250 (c)).

Upon completion of such task, Claus touched the side of his nose
and flew,rose and/or ascended up the chimney of the House to the
roof here the Vehicle and Deer waited and/or served as "lookouts."
Claus immediately departed for an unknown destination.

However, prior to the departure of the Vehicle, Deer and Claus from
said House, the party of the first part did hear Claus state and/or
exclaim "Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night!" Or words
to that effect.

Original

For You Med-Mal Types - Another Link

I'm sorry sir, your wife died on the operating table

OK, so maybe the act in the strip is more along the lines of a battery or a criminal charge of rape.

Do Your Friends Speak Hindi?

If anyone reading this blog has an Indian friend, for the love of god...you MUST watch this video:

Bad Indian Music Video With Humorous (Even Worse)
English Subtitles

Dear...god. I can't stop watching it, and I don't know why.

Sanjay, I'm probably going to call you Benny Lava for the duration of holiday break. I'm sorry, but I'm sure you understand.

Laptop Attachment

Re:  potential ban on laptop use in class the faculty and administration are currently considering:

El Guapo:  if they made it an honor court violation [to use laptops in class], I would organize a protest

El Guapo:  everyone would turn in the person to their left and swamp the honor court with cases

Wasting Time...

Today has been an especially good day for wasting time during class, as we had an extra hour of Property to make up for cancelling class this Friday.

So far, I read a Canadian article about environmentally friendly sex:

Yes, Canada has the Internet...and they're writing about how to hug trees during sex

I'll bet you thought sex was already natural enough, you Humvee driving Bambi hater.

I also watched some oxen drink from a watering hole in Africa:

Wildlife Cam

What did you do to waste time during class today?