Recruiting Volunteers: Stress Relief Through Absurdity and Humor

That last post might have been a bit premature. I'm working on a new photo-blogging series about anything that screws with big businesses in random ways.

First project:
1. collect Business Reply Mail envelopes from ANYwhere
2. Mail anything you want to get rid of back to the large corporation of your choice...assuming you can fit it into a standard envelope.
3. The entire point is to pin the cost of these mailings on these companies using the most ridiculous things you can dig out of your closet.
4. Write at least three standard English letters together and in sequence on something inside the envelope. For example, I might write "GF" on a piece of notebook paper that goes in the envelope.
5. READ PART #4 AT THE END OF THIS POST

Yes, it's been done before. Trillions of adolescents have probably used this as a subconscious tool for rebellion, all the while chuckling to themselves like weasels about how clever they were. While I am indeed chuckling like a weasel, I don't find it terribly clever anymore since I just gained a renewed interest in it via this quote from www.bash.org. Honestly, who gives a shit? I'm also going to call OUR rebellion "Driving Up the Cost of Sending Junk Mail: An Externality on YOU from the Minds of Idiots." I'm also naming the rebellion "I like random shit people do for no apparent reason, Or Would You Kindly Get a Sense of the Absurd."

My official title in the rebellion shall be "Grand Field Marshal Mail Ninja." I may be addressed as "Marshal," "Sir," or "Comrade." Or Guy Fawkes, whatever.

Anyone interested? Trust me, this can be an effective outlet for some of that school/work/family/life stress that's on most of us. Just forget who you are right now and do something ridiculous


Better yet, POST SOME OTHER "PROJECT" IDEAS. Just brain-dump some comments with absurd things you've always wanted to do in ANY context, legal or illegal. This includes stabbing me in the face over the Internet.









Disclaimer:
4. DO NOT MAIL/SHIP ANYTHING THAT COULD EVEN CONCEIVABLY BE DANGEROUS. This also means do not send any illegal materials, whether or not they are dangerous while in the package. Unlike the failed revolution in which Guy Fawkes participated, nothing from this fun little distraction should cause ANY type of destruction.

I'm not saying this just to cover my ass. I mean it, internet peoplez. The idea here is to have fun and mock the American financial system (economy in general?...whatever you want to mock...mock mock mock). No one gets physically injured or even put in harm's way for any reason. For some helpful info on what NOT to send, here are a couple of links:

USPS Info RE: Hazardous Materials
USPS Aviation Mail Guidelines

The Aviation Mail Guidelines also contain links to the most current USPS guidelines on most other safety areas. Also, if your mail goes out through a method other than USPS...make sure you AT LEAST follow the USPS Safety Guidelines and anything additional your carrier requires.

Google Search of the Day - 9/18/08

Today's gem is straight out of Saskatchewan. At least I hope so.

"fuck the lsat for yale forestry school"

I barely even know where to begin with this one. First, I will apologize in advance for making fun of Yale Forestry School and forestry schools in general without shame. My first inclination was to mercilessly deride it for even conjuring up a concept such as the Yale Forestry School. Surely, something like this could never exist. However, a quick Google search revealed that there actually IS a Yale School of Forestry and Environmental Sciences, somewhat odd though it seems. Additionally, one of the school's banner projects is Sex and Suburban Frogs (frogs fuck, who knew), which I thought was a little racy for the front page until I discovered that it's about Jurassic Park-style amphibian gender changes in the wild. Go figure. I would look like a real fool to make fun of a search string for referencing a REAL school that I thought was fake. I can just smell the irony that didn't happen.

Since the first instinct didn't work out, my second thought would have to serve the appropriate purpose. Any search term involving some iteration of "fuck the lsat" has potential for amusement, and this one does not disappoint. Apparently this person (people?...several hits from this search) thinks it would be a good idea to blow off the LSAT so that he can attend *drum rollllllllllllll* forestry school. I don't care if it IS Yale, for what that's really worth anyway. Who the hell ever introduced himself in a conversation by saying, "Hi, I'm Sam, I go to Yale Forestry." What? I'm not even sure I understand what I just wrote.

Unless you genuinely want to be some sort of environmental crusader with Ivy League credentials to back it up, why would you do this to yourself? People would ENDlessly mock you, starting with this guy right here. "You're in what program? Where? Really? You're serious aren't you. Wait, seriously? Why? Does that...pay? Can you become a park ranger with that degree? Ever run into Ranger Rick? Man, I used to love Ranger Rick magazines as a kid. Such a cute, fuzzy raccoon." Just think, your entire social life would sound just like that. Disbelief and Ranger Rick.

Another implication of this search is that the person is going to Yale Forestry SPECIFICALLY to "fuck the lsat." Either that, or the plain language means he's fucking the LSAT on behalf of Yale Forestry, which is an even more interesting concept. Anyway, the only thing this tree-planting, cheery subhuman creature will be fucking at Yale Forestry is a bucket full of burning pine cones. If I had to guess, the last time Yale Forestry had an attractive female student was 1759, when the rumblings of revolution were about. I welcome any current YF female students or recent alums who think they are attractive to post bikini photos. It's a risky move, but I'm on a mission here.

Also, if you think Yale Forestry is a better option than taking the LSAT and going to law school...well, you might be right. That's a tough call, though. Three years of being terrified, worked to death, and bored vs. however many years it takes to finish YF, the trees everywhere, dealing with Ranger Rick jokes and the like, presenting forest fire prevention speeches to schoolchildren, picking aphids off plants, etc. It's hard to say, but you might be better off getting fake boobs to get a job like one of our previous searchers. Even if you're a man.

Google Search of the Day - 7/24/08

After several days without one of these posts, I ran across a brand new search string that has led to hits on our blog several times lately. This one was not in the list the last time I checked a few days ago, so it has resulted in 11 hits in a relatively short period of time.

Google search of the day:

"i seriously got a biglaw job offer because of my breast implants"

I could not make this shit up. Congratulations. You are a whore in every sense of the word. You are the reason men are convinced that attractive women take a significant portion of biglaw jobs simply because they are attractive females. You are the reason hot girls in the bottom 5% of the class are still seen interviewing for the most lucrative associate positions and prestigious clerkships with horny old judges. You use your newly perky and unnaturally large double-Ds on your 110-pound frame to game your way into the legal market like other people use a resume and cover letter. You don't see anything wrong with using the body god (and your plastic surgeon) gave you to your professional advantage. Soon, you will sleep your way to partner at your new firm in record time. I hope you enjoy throwing your ankles into the air while old guys put it in you and motorboat those implants. At least have the decency to get on top. That's the whole point of breast implants anyway, right?

All of that is not to say that I find women with breast implants attractive. On the contrary, I prefer the boobies on my women to be natural rather than fake, rigid, and pointed.

Another Fun Search String

Someone from Google hit our blog using the search string "perversion in the school." That's almost as good as "deaf kid from Barney," a search string for which we were once in the top five on Google. Perhaps this post will put us back at the top. Get on it, faithful readers!

Lawsuits Against Sports Equipment? Really?

To the visitor who hit our blog using the Google search "sue Hank Aaron's bat": thank you. You brightened an otherwise dreary afternoon in the gray-hued, fluorescent cubicle hell of a state agency. Sheer brilliance.