Is anybody there? Does anybody care?

It's been months since I've posted. The Tejas bar exam is 8 days away... damn True Blood, Tudors, Netflix, and all the damn tv shows I've been deprived of and had to catch up on. I'm fucked. I'm so far behind. The problem is I am used to getting the best grade, and well, you can't book the bar. Not that I'm in contention. Allegedly, you only need to be a "C" student to pass, but the model answers are the best answer and I have no clue what a C answer is.

So how do I feel about the bar?

Channelling Michael Scott

Professor Norgay in a trial skills seminar:

Sometimes you can't get off all the people you want to get off; then you'll just have to do the best you can.

This went on for a few minutes while this went through my head.

Bar Review

To all of you law grads out there? Did any of you take PMBR in addition to BarBri? Why or why not?

I understand bar review companies operate off of fear, and they are doing a great job. I'm struggling with whether I should take PMBR in addition to BarBri. I'm open to any and all input.

MPRE

So the MPRE is this weekend. I had zero anxiety about this thing since I did fairly well in ethics but the talk about it this week at school made me a bit worried. Fortunately, Kaplan had a free review course. With any luck, I'll do just well enough to be declared ethical. But then I wonder if that statement is ethical. Then I drift back into my comfortable 3L mode.

Today in Products Liability - 3/2/09

"If we follow this logic, we'll eventually hit a point where we have to start hiring midgets to sit in the back of school buses and yell at the drivers when kids runs behind the buses."

Today in Military Law - 2/19/09

Prof. JAG: “What if you're a pilot who has to eject, and you start thinking ‘man, these guys are going to come after me when I hit the ground’? So you pull out your 9mm on the way down and start shooting at an anti-aircraft emplacement. What’s your legal status then?”

Student: “Dead.”

Prof. JAG: “Skeet.”

Today in Products Liability

Heard while discussing a textbook problem re: a case involving a kid who got hurt on a playground:

Student: "We need to bring back more biological Darwinism. These plaintiffs are the same parents who put 8 inches of clothes on their kids when they see snow flurries. They need to get over themselves and just let their kids get hurt a little bit."

Prof: "Well, this kid has brain damage...I'm not sure if they can afford to let him get hurt like that."

Student: "He won't do it again, will he?"

Rebuttal: It's Not My Ass that Needs to Be Moving

My dear friend, Fawkes, brought up a good point. Grades aren't everything. He is right. This is why the law school publishes a photo-directory that is disseminated to potential employers: If you don't have good grades, just be a hot girl and you are fine.

This theory is particularly strong for 1L OCIs. Think about it, as a first-year, you may have a Lexis or Westlaw "certification" that you received for going to some pizza lunch, but other than that, you probably don't know how to research anything other than a case. In fact, you probably omit the space between "So." and "2d," among other grievous errors. It comes down to this: the quality in actual know how (not taking into account potential and ability to develop) of a 1L is the same, almost, from #1 to bottom of the class. So if you are getting the same amount of competence from a first-year, why not hire a hot female 1L? I would! Employers my first year overlooked me for hot low-ranked females.

Now, if you're not a female and you have low grades... you should probably look for what your Career Service Office calls "Alternative Legal Jobs." This includes anything from being an insurance adjuster to a congressional staffer with a redundant five-word job title to describe opening and stuffing envelopes.

Trust me, if there's some ass that needs to be moving, I'm going to be the moving it.

A Reply: The Elegant, Obvious Solution to 1L Self-Loathing

I originally posted this as a comment to Phaedrus' immediately preceding post, but it became too long to be a comment on a post:


Phaedrus, you still have it all wrong. Grades and class rank only have a HIGHLY tenuous correlation to intelligence, writing ability, and logical thinking.

The only way to make the correlation strong enough to be statistically significant, thereby making it a genuinely useful indicator of something practical (other than for employers who just want the "type" that is usually at the top of the class), is to extend the timeline over a period of many, many years (decades?). Even then, good luck controlling for all those spurious causes that arise during the intervening period.

That's all a (general) statistical way of saying "grades and class rank don't say jack shit about the individual, and they don't really even say much about the overall class." You know this.

My solution to the school-related issues these 1Ls are experiencing is simple: just. give. up. You know, as Fight Club and The Postal Service might say. Stop struggling. Accept it, and the benefits will come, including higher grades for a lot of people.

Everyone (me more than most...) is going to rage against "the system" of law school/the profession, but it's better to stop allowing it to get in your head as early as possible. Critique it, spot the flaws, whatever, because they exist in abundance...just don't allow it to drive you insane.

Bottom line: they'll get over it. Move your own ass to another table. Better yet, stop doing your non-law review work at school like a good 3L. ;)

1L YaYas are Starting to Annoy Me...Really

Congratulations, you survived first semester. It was a traumatic experience... I remember. Then again, I slacked off, partied ostentatiously before exams (still do) and still kicked ass. That's just what I do. So you didn't do as well as you wanted? Well, really you should have taken my advice ("know it all and you'll be fine, works every time").

So what are 1Ls doing? They're being little bitches.

As far as I know, they are going out and buying a pair of jeans and wearing them and having life changing experiences and then mailing them to their other 1L friends to do the same. There is this whole YaYa sisterhood going on with the 1Ls. They have formed these really annoying, pathetic, and vain support groups. "It's okay, I did poorly too...but, we're going to study together in the law school atrium, then starbucks, and then at Phaedrus's table. We're going to work hard, struggle, achieve, persevere and we're going to raise our GPA & Classrank and then make law review, then work at biglaw, and then work 40 hours a week and retire early." Well, at least the GPA thing. I can't figure out why this annoys me so, other than it is completely pathetic. It's childish. It's futile. It's taking away my study table. It's really just a lame excuse for the friend who really needs a boyfriend to feel better about herself.

Don't get me wrong, I'm all about goals: setting them, achieving them, exceeding them. Just don't take my table. Get a life, watch Grey's Anatomy together like most normal girls, go buy new nike running shorts that never get used for running, or even (Gasp) try to go on a date. Despite the feel good talk professors give you this time of the year about grades, grades are pretty much locked in. First you are graded on a curve--it really puts you in your place. While there is usually an exception or two, this is usually an exception or two--it's not Good Will Hunting. Even if you come to school, clean the floors, think you're smarter than everyone else, and do complex math/legal problems on the board, you're probably not the exception. Second, people at the top of the class are usually smarter than you. What does this mean? It means they know better than to take graded classes. The whole art of law school is taking 75% ungraded classes and 25% guaranteed A's... this locks in your GPA and Class rank.

Long story short, the Law School Traveling Pants YaYa Studygroup Sisterhood should get a life, a boyfriend, or disband. I don't really care, just do one.

Judgments & Assumptions

Whenever I see a girl in law school who has a mild case of acne, I assume that she is on her period.

Doe Eyed Enthusiasm

One of my classes is a mixed class, which means it has 1L's in it as well as 2L's and 3L's. I can mostly tell who is in what class just by looking at them. The 1L's are overly eager to speak and raise their hand at every opportunity. The 2L's look somewhat down trodden and tired - they're beginning to realize they made a mistake in choosing law school. The 3L's all look disinterested. It's interesting to see how just a year or year and a half can change your outlook.

A or An

So I've been distracted by this lately. I have a textbook that keeps doing this one thing that irks me. Someone tell me if I'm wrong. CNN does it too.

It isn't an historic or an historical anything is it? It would be an hour since the h isn't pronounced but unless we've all gone Cockney and we're dropping all h's at the beginning of words it should be a historic or a historical right? Bryan Garner agrees in the Dictionary of Modern Legal Usage but apparently there is disagreement.

Okay, so really I just wanted to procrastinate reading for this course.

9 Reasons Not to Attend Law School

Law Geekery did a list of 9 reasons not to attend law school. I would have added a 10th, too many lawyers on the market but they generally get the idea across.

Law School Angst

Law school angst gets people in different ways. The best way to go through law school is to figure out what role you fit and accept it. That said:

Law school admissions is a combination of LSAT (which MENSA accepts as an IQ test) and undergrad GPA. At the top there may some with relatively high scores on both ends but most of the students are either bright and lazy or industrious and not as bright. Because law school has figured out the rubric, almost everyone in your class is equally capable. The lazy geniuses are about as capable as the hard working. The law school grading scale then takes these virtually indistinguishable masses and tries to tier out their ability through scaled classes. Most of these exams are very similar. Few excel, few are really terrible. Most of the rest of us wind up in the block of random grades between B+ and C+. The only difference between B+ and C+ papers is the discretion of the professor.

These grades, while mostly random, mean everything. A student ranked at the 24% can expect double digit on campus interviews while a student ranked at the 26% will get almost none. You would never be able in a million years to tell the difference between these two people outside of those two numbers (most likely the difference between a B and B+ in a two hour course). But based on these percentage numbers from your first semester (one sixth of your law school career), you are either in or out. By the time you finish your first year, you likely have all the grades you will ever need if you get employment during your second summer. After the first year, any student trying to improve his/her standing will never really catch up for bigger law jobs.

Most law students go to law school to make a difference in the world. At least that's what we write on our admissions essays. But the entire law school experience is set up to dangle prestigious, high paying, legal cog jobs in front of us. Almost no public interest, criminal, plaintiff, or small law firms are invited to interview on campus. This means that if you want an alternate career that will lower the average starting salary of our grads which will reflect poorly on the US News rankings, you're on your own.

In short, you work and find out it makes no difference in your grades. You get the honors they make a big deal out of and find out it isn't enough to get the jobs you want. Law school is a big exercise in contentment when you realize that no matter what your mama told you, you really aren't that special. No matter how awesome you were in undergrad, no matter what kind of juggernaut you used to be, here, you will likely be one of the masses. Half of the people will be below average and they remind you of that every time you open your report card. It's being told that the reasons you were going to law school were wrong, discouraging you from helping, then letting you know you aren't qualified for the jobs they pushed you towards. That is the center of the angst.

At least, that's how I see it.

@ work related

Assuming you still read this blog occasionally, you happy now that the angst is back?

Don't worry, I promise more raccoon nonsense in the future regardless. At least now I'm filled with a sickening degree of apathy, coupled with a healthy dose of righteous fury again, eh?

Ein Toast

To the end of zee semester. Fuck you. If I could, I would burn you to death with tiny fires. You have tormented me in the most hideous manners imaginable...even blog-people would not understand. Here's to you and my eternal quest to torture and murder you in your sleep.

Brief addendum:

On second thought, murdering you in your sleep might not be sufficiently satisfying. I need to flay you with the sharpened edges of my secured transactions book and papercuts from Prof. Tree Dweller's horrendously deceptive Enviro I exam.

Statistics and Late Night Thoughts

There are just over 300 Million people in the United States. There are approximately 1.1 Million lawyers in the United States. There are an additional 150,000 law students in the United States so we add about 50,000 lawyers per year.

That works out to one lawyer for every 262 people in the U.S. There are 16 million complaints (lawsuits) filed every year in the United States. That gives each lawyer 16 cases to work per year.

Obviously there are cases to work that never get filed but it does make you think. Are there just too many of us out there? What motivates people to go to law school to begin with? Does anybody here remember?

Good Reads

Two other blogs I've read that made the Blawg 100:

Gerry Spence's blog. He is one of the best criminal defense lawyers ever. His book on trial advocacy is high on my Christmas list. He has a blog. He writes on murder, capital punishment, and trial technique. Small, but good community.

That's What She Said blog on the civil liability incurred by our friends at The Office. They will try to put a dollar amount on the crazy actions of Michael Scott, Dwight Schrute, and the others at Dunder Mifflin. Great way to learn employment law.

At this point I'll read anything to keep from studying for this next exam but these two were definitely worth the time.

Sucks to be this guy

So there's a guy who graduated from Michigan State. Went to get an LLM. Racked up $150k in student loans. Sent out 300 resumes. And got one job interview. Story here.

I think the sad thing is, this doesn't surprise me. I have friends here with good resumes that are going to really surprising frontier outposts or are still looking for work despite sending out almost this many resumes. Granted, no LLM, but for just regular law work, you wouldn't think that would matter.